Coffee Dates
Coffee dates are incredibly common (and so lame). Sometimes it’s because it’s the only time our schedules align and sometimes it’s about keeping it short, in case we’re not feeling it and want a quick exit. I’ve had guys bold enough to tell me they will ONLY go on coffee dates because they aren’t willing to pay for a meal on a first date. (Needless to say, I did not meet up with those particular men.) Anyway, if I never have to go on another coffee date again, I’ll be thrilled. Give me a happy hour or dinner any day.
We both show up with a mental checklist, looking for any red flags or reasons to run. How long has he been single? Why is he single? What does he do for work? How many children does he have? What’s his credit score? I joke about the last one but you get it. I often know the answers to my questions before I ask. There is no better detective than a woman, especially me, a paralegal for a criminal defense firm. I go into most dates knowing their middle name, home address, criminal record, baby mama’s name, where they work - you name it.
I’ll spare the tough questions if there is no chemistry – which I can determine within the first five minutes. Because truthfully, I don’t care what the answer is. I know we’ll never see each other again.
I was very upfront about my dating challenge and most of the guys were encouraging. However, some were intimidated. And some were jerks. One guy who recently told me he refuses to pay for a meal on a first date, said, “You must understand after you used twenty men for dates.” He was the same guy who said, “I can’t tell by your profile what your body type is. I want to make sure you’re not a fatty.” Boy, bye!
I keep a secret list of everyone I’ve dated (don’t worry, my best friends know where it is—just in case). Some names I forgot, so I listed them by their profession, like "The Train Conductor" or "The Car Salesman." And then there's "The Mode Dick," named after the bar where we met up. He earned the title fair and square.
At the end of the day, dating feels like a game. One I’m quickly losing interest in. I’ve realized that even the best dates rarely lead to anything substantial. Maybe it’s just the nature of modern dating. Or perhaps it’s just me - older, wiser, and unwilling to waste my time on men who have nothing more to offer than a coffee or a cringeworthy comment. I’m off the dating apps now so unless Prince Charming lands in my lap, I’ll be spending my time doing my own thing and enjoying life on my own terms.
