Twenty First Dates

Gentleman, let’s imagine for a moment that online dating doesn’t exist. We’re back to meeting people the old-fashioned way – through school, work, or simply out in the world. You see an attractive woman at the grocery store, notice she’s not wearing a wedding ring, and muster up the courage to initiate a conversation and ask her out. She says yes. Lucky you! You know nothing about her so you can’t predict if this will lead to anything beyond a first date. But for now, it’s a date.

You exchange numbers and eventually meet up. This first date can go in one of two ways. Assuming neither of you has bolted yet and she hasn’t poured a drink on your head – the server brings your check – who should pay?

Now, let’s switch back to online dating and you come across the same attractive woman on Tinder (or whichever swipe factory you prefer). You match, chat a bit, and eventually ask her out – hopefully for something better than coffee. Is this a date? I’d say it’s no different than the first scenario. You know nothing about her so you can’t predict if this will lead to anything beyond a first meeting. Do you owe her the same chivalry as you would if you had met her in the grocery store? Absolutely!

It doesn’t matter if she shows up with a few extra pounds from her photos, if she snorts when she laughs, or if she chews with her mouth open – it’s still a date. She’s worthy of the same respect and effort you would put into any other date.

I have had several debates with friends and potential matches about this very topic and I’ve been surprised by how many men (and women) think it’s OK for the woman to pay or at least split the bill on a first date. Personally, I have a strict 2-date rule. I expect a man to pay for at least the first 2 dates before I’m willing to cover or split the bill. Am I being unreasonable?

I welcome your opinions. Leave me a comment!