Nice Pumpkins

I wish I had written down all the cringeworthy comments men have made to me. Some come straight out of the box swinging. It’s honestly shocking how confident they are when doing it. It makes me wonder - do women ever respond positively to this approach? I suppose it’s just a numbers game to these guys. Throw out the line and see who bites.

I’ve had more than one guy mention the back of my throat immediately upon matching. I guess they think it’s ok to go deep in conversation right away. Another conversation on Hinge started with the typical, “How’s your day? What are you up to?” When I responded with, “…and you?” his reply was “Working from home today…and horny.” Well damn, Mr. Manners, should I warm up the car and head over?

The one I appreciated the most was “Nice Pumpkins,” referencing a photo of me at The Farmstead. Clever, right?! And it‘s hard to argue with him - I have pretty nice pumpkins if I do say so myself. But would he use that line on me if we were strangers meeting in person? Unless he has cojones the size of pumpkins, it’s doubtful.

One guy I had matched with and had plans to meet up kept trying to turn our text conversations sexual. I dodged and redirected a couple times, but eventually, I got the ick. So, I faked an illness to get out of the date. For the record, this was the first time I ever lied to get out of a date. Normally I’m very matter-of-fact and brutally honest (a real shocker to those who know me, right?!) But this time lying seemed easier. His response to me being ill? “Maybe you need to watch where you put your mouth!” Oh boy. You sir, can pound sand.

In the end, these morons just make me laugh. I appreciate them waving the red flags proudly. It’s the covert morons you have to worry about the most. Online dating - where confidence often overpowers common sense. Lord help us all.